Family & Friends

What You Can & Can Not Do

Here are some of the things you should think about regarding what you can and can not do for someone suffering from an eating disorder:

The first thing to keep in mind is that as an “outsider” (not suffering from an Eating Disorder yourself) there are many things you cannot do to help a family member or friend to get better. You cannot force an anorexic to eat, keep a bulimic from purging, or make a compulsive overeater stop overeating. The first thing to realize once you have come to the awareness that your loved-one suffers from an eating disorder, is that you must not concentrate immediately on the food. All forms of eating disorders are emotionally based and the behaviors are only symptoms to emotional and stress related problems. Disordered eating is an attempt to control, hide, stuff, avoid and forget emotional pain, stress and/or self-hate.

If your relationship with someone suffering with an eating disorder is anything other than their parent, or if your child is over the age of 18, then you cannot force them to seek help. You can support and encourage your loved one, and gently express concern, and the best thing you can do is to learn to attentively listen.

• Approach the person privately when there is enough time to seriously discuss the issue.
• Offer your observations in a caring but direct manner. Try to be as specific as you can regarding your observations and concerns.
• Tell the person you are worried and would like them to seek help.
• Encourage the person to express their feelings openly and listen intently without judging. Do not be judgmental: instead ask questions about what was expressed. Do not argue with the person as to whether or not they have an eating disorder, this will not help.
• Emphasize that you have heard their feelings and be compassionate. Re-focus on your concerns and fears and indicate that you do not feel things will change without intervention.
• Gather information and resources for eating disorder treatment. Present the information to your friend or loved one. Further express the desire to be of help. Ask them to at least see a professional once before making a “snap judgment” on treatment.
• In some cases there is concern that the disorder has reached a life-threatening stage. If the disorder has reached this point enlist mental health professionals who can help you intervene. Stand united and confront the victim strongly and compassionately. Also, if a person is suicidal make sure you get professional help immediately.
• Denial is frequently part of the illness, so expect that anger and refusal to seek help may be present. You cannot force someone into treatment you can only express your concerns and observations. This scenario may leave you feeling frustrated, angry or helpless. Remember that you can always approach the subject in the future. Let your friend or family member know that if your concerns continue that you would like to discuss the issue with them again and DO IT.
• Realize that approaching the subject with your friend/loved one has opened the door to further discussions. These discussions may be more open, honest and may lead to treatment. One can only attempt to intervene but realize that the most effective form of treatment will involve the sufferer wanting and accepting the help provided.